


When in the End You Failed to Save Him

by ilyiccia



Category: RWBY
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Divergence, Character Study, Drabbles, F/F, F/M, Gen, Guilt, I still don’t know how to tag I’m sorry!, I will provably forget to update this lmao-, Little Dialogue, No beta we die like Pyrrha, Self-Loathing, Vignette, Whump, blame, im sorry, spoiler for rwby volume 8 chapter 2!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilyiccia/pseuds/ilyiccia
Summary: “Fear of growing close to someone…a subsequent fear of loss.Fear of failure.”An aftermath, in three parts.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long, Lie Ren/Nora Valkyrie, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 56





	1. Calm Your Fear

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR VOLUME 8 CHAPTER 2!! Asdfghjklmn that ending am I right 👈😎👈 Anyway I thought too hard bout the aftermath of that episode and got sad so now JYR have to be sad because djjdjdj angst. Updates will be random af because A) exams are a thing and B) I am very forgetful so I apologise in advance!! Sorry for any mistakes btw hehe; enjoy!
> 
> Update: i posted this kinda late last night so i went through today and tried to fix any mistakes!

Ren expects yelling. 

Nora is staring up at him, face twisting into an expression he can’t read- doesn’t want to have to read- as he braces himself for her yelling at him. 

He thinks that maybe there’s some twisted part of him that might want it. Because yelling means noise and noise is so much is better than deafening silence in which all he can think about is how badly thinks went as the same scene plays over and over again in his head. He doesn’t want to remember it. That feeling of fear sinking deep in his stomach; the strain on his voice as he yelled out; the sound of Oscar screaming and whimpering as he desperately tried to get away. That debilitating feeling of shock freezing him in place as he watched unable to move, unable to do anything, unable to save Oscar before that horrifying _thing_ took him away. 

He doesn’t want to remember it but he keeps on thinking and panicking and hating himself over and over as the silence becomes more suffocating. 

It’s ironic in a way. He’s always been the quietest of the group. He found it easier to listen and to observe and save his energy for things that really mattered. But Oscar had mattered and Oscar _still_ mattered so _so_ much and yet no amount of energy would bring him back and that fact left a venomous taste in Ren’s mouth. 

Fear and regret twist deep within him and for a man who’s semblance brings tranquillity upon others he can’t seem to calm himself and all of his emotions spiral uncontrollably inside him, shaking him to his very core as the voices in his mind cry out, berating him and accusing and reminding him over and over and _over_ again of what happened; growing louder and louder with each agonising second. 

Now his friends’ silence is deafening- suffocating almost- because it leaves room for the inner voices to mingle and lay waste and he wants desperately for Nora to scream and shout at him so he doesn’t have to stay trapped in his mind’s personal hell. 

But Nora doesn’t scream or shout or do anything remotely similar; in fact Nora is completely silent and he's sure that the irony must just be mocking them now. 

And he hates it because she’d been so happy before. She was so hyper and excited, bouncing on her heels as she came to greet them. Despite how poorly their last encounter has been, she couldn't contain her relief over the fact that they'd made it back safe. The irony is humiliating now. Because the moment she caught sight of their expressions her face had fallen and the very millisecond the words “He’s gone.” left Jaune’s mouth her face had gone completely blank. Nora stops and Nora stares, brows furrowing slightly as though she is trying very hard to comprehend what she has just been told. 

Then everything stops and suddenly her eyes are filled with tears as she claps a hand up to cover her mouth. She chokes out a noise that might be a word but honestly it’s hard to tell as the moment she opens her mouth a sob escapes it. Ren walks toward her, arms outstretched, and slowly he pulls her into a hug. She tries to push him away, clawing at his shoulders and scrubbing at her eyes. She doesn't yell, just keeps crying and Ren feels sick. She keeps fighting against him but he ignores it, slowly reaching up the run a hand through her hair. 

Nora gives up eventually, leaning forward into Ren’s hold and burying her face in his shoulder. He feels her body shudder with each cry; her nails digging deep into the flesh on his shoulders. It hurts a little, nothing more than a small pinch and yet he holds onto that feeling with sheer desperation because _he wants it to hurt._ He wants to feel bad- wants to pay for what he did because Oscar is gone and Oscar could be hurting so much more and it is his fault. He wants Nora to scream and shout; wants them all to yell at him; wants anything more than the silence encasing him because he has to know that this is all because of him. 

He needs someone to confirm it, to agree with him so he doesn’t have to keep speculating on his own. He wants it to hurt but he needs the others to inflict it; to hate him just as much as he hates himself because it’s what he thinks he deserves. 

Tears prick Ren’s eyes. He doesn’t want to cry; he hasn’t earned the right to be upset over this because he could have prevented it if he’d only tried harder. And yet he can’t stop the tears from falling as he grips Nora tighter. She looks up at him slowly, eyes glazed, and tilts her head slightly as she chew the inside of her lip. Ren knows that look. It’s the look Nora always gives before she says something comforting and he absolutely despises it because he of all people does not deserve to be comforted and really he should be comforting her and- and-

And yet somehow, even though he really doesn’t think he deserves it, Ren just what’s to be proven wrong and to be told that everyone will be okay. Nora must be able to read his mind and honestly he wouldn't put it past her because Nora is so incredibly, stupidly amazing in ways he cannot even comprehend. 

But Nora must have read his mind because Nora looks up at him and in a soft, shaky voice Nora says four very simple words that bear more weight than anything else in the world right now: “It wasn’t your fault. 

It’s not what he expects. Ren expected yelling and screaming and Nora hating him so deeply and validating his own suffocating self loathing. It’s really not what he expects at all. And yet someone how it’s everything he needed to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ren bb no :(((( Sorry if Ren was OOC this is my first time writing him!


	2. My Days of Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I took so long to update- mock exams are a pain- but hey I actually got round to it and I’m pretty proud of myself for that lmao. Anyways it’s Jaune’s turn to suffer now :(((( but I hope y’all enjoy <3

Jaune excepts questions. 

He has a fair few himself to be honest but he’s not sure he’s fully capable of forming any coherent sentence right now. He can barely think let alone speak as a million thoughts race around his mind; heckling and taunting him. 

And he knows that the others will have the same questions as him. Knows he still won’t be able to answer them even when they pass through a foreign pair of lips. He knows he is in the dark but he isn’t supposed to be. He hasn’t earned the right to be confused and to ask questions because he was the leader and he still is a leader and leaders bear answers, not questions. 

So he swallows back all emotions and waits for the questions to come pouring in. 

There is silence, for a moment, as everyone slowly notices that something is wrong and all stand there with the same thought plaguing their minds; each waiting for the other to voice it. 

For to ask such a question means you must be prepared for the answer and often that is a daunting concept to accept. 

It’s Ruby who speaks first; voice laced with poorly hidden apprehension as she asks where Oscar is. Jaune wants to cry. Wants to run and hide and not have to deal with this right now. It’s all too much. The fear, the uncertainty, the crushing guilt- it makes him feel sick and he’s not sure how longer he can hold himself together. 

But he has to put on a brave face, for now at least. Because he was the leader and he _still is a leader_ and he has to stay strong for the others. 

And yet he cannot fully ignore his emotions. He feels regret clawing at the corners of his mind. He was the leader; he was supposed to take charge and deal with the situation. He was supposed to prevent things like this and hold everyone together. But even before the Grimm attacked their foundations were starting to crumble and he has done nothing to stop it. They had been exhausted; overrun by constant Grimm and citizens in need of assistance and god he’s so tired of having to _assist_ everyone. He knows it’s his job; knows he _chose_ to sign up to this life and yet the weight of it all is so inexplicably crushing and all he wants to do is return home to his noisy parents and insufferable sisters and just be down with all of this. 

_Maybe he wasn’t meant to be a huntsman._ The thought eats away at him like a parasite; feeding of his fear and fuelling his self doubt. It’s not a unpredictable thought; in fact he’s almost certain it has set up camp in the darkest corners of his mind waiting to emerge and taunt him whenever the time is right. Unfortunately the right time always seems to be when everything is falling apart and he can barely hold himself together. 

Huntsmen are meant to be wise. Huntsmen are meant to be strong. Huntsmen are meant to be prepared for _anything_ that is thrown their way. But confusion overruled wits; exhaustion stunted strength and sheer unexplainable fear had prevented any ounce of a plan from being formed. 

In hindsight they should have expected something like this because of course splitting up was a terrible plan. They have been fighting together for so long now that to fight about was to threaten the very structure of their dynamic. They were two teams sewn into one but they had ripped apart each delicate stitch in that moment where they had chosen different paths. And he, Ren and Yang had been so exhausted by all the Grimm. They should’ve communicated better; should’ve taken a break so that they would have had more energy to act; to so much as _think._ In hindsight they should have be smarter and stronger and better prepared. 

Harsh (almost mocking) is the hand that’s presents Jaune with hindsight for hindsight is a tool that reeks of guilt and regret; an easy way out for those who cannot face the consequences of their failings and would rather lament on what could have been.

And as much as he tries to forget; his mind repeats that scene over and over again until Jaune wants to claw out his brain and just stop thinking all together. 

He tries to distract himself but the thought of one failing simply comes into to replace another. 

He thinks about Oscar and his heart threatens to shatter right then and there. There are so many things he should’ve said to Oscar that never made it passed his lips. So many times he should’ve extended his hand to the boy instead of leaving him alone. Hell, Jaune doesn’t even know where Oscar went after the whole Neo charade. He never stopped to ask if he was okay or if he needed his aura topped up and he hates himself for it. They’d left hon alone so many times. Maybe if they’d let him train with them more he could’ve stood a better chance against the Grimm. But that’s _not fair_ , Jaune thinks, because Oscar shouldn’t of had to face that thing alone and they should of helped him, _he_ should’ve helped him instead of just watching, helplessly. 

There as so many things he could’ve done. Surely there must’ve been. He keeps telling himself it over and over again, beating himself up because the easiest way to deal with pain is to add a different pain to distract from the first. There must’ve been something they could’ve done. 

Because the idea that it couldn't have been prevented. The idea that there was nothing he could’ve done and that sometimes _bad things just happen_ is one he never wants to believe. Fate and destiny are not concepts he likes to dwell on much anymore and the feeling that no one has any control over their own future- the idea that everything has been set in stone and he has no way to escape the ever looming string of fate slowly pulling him toward some dark abyss of despair- absolutely terrifies him. 

Penny had said it would be like Beacon and back then he had laughed because back then he was naive and has thought that there was no way things could possibly get that bad again. Ignorance is bliss, after all. But ignorance is dangerous as it leaves room for error and for lack of preparation and leaves everything hurting so much more when it all, inevitably, falls apart. 

He doesn’t like to think about Beacon because Beacon is gone, Beacon _fell_ and amidst the flames of the burning school; Pyrrha had fallen too. 

He doesn’t let himself think of Pyrrha very often because that is a whole new genre of pain that is so crushing and debilitating it distracts from everything else going on. He regrets so many things he never said to her, things he never did, love he never showed or even noticed. He’s bad at noticing people, it seems. He gets so focused on the big picture he falls to see all the little details; all the important people until they have been snatched away. 

He’s not going to let Oscar go. He will hone in on that detail and do everything in his power to protect it. Oscar is like a brother to him; the brother he never had but always wanted. He had taken that fact for granted and ignored it so many time; just as he had ignored Pyrrha and everything wonderful about her. 

He’s not going to let Oscar end up like Pyrrha. Nothing but a memory that hurts too much to focus on. A small detail in a huge picture that has been stained and smudged and destroyed. 

Pyrrha was so incredibly important and he failed to save her. But Oscar is important too and Jaune will not rest in Tom he has him back. Because he is less naive and less ignorant now and despite all the fear that is weighing him down he thinks he nigh just be braver than when he was at Beacon.

Oscar seemed to think his brave. Oscar looked up to him and Oscar trusted him and Jaune will prove that he deserves that trust. 

The others have questions; just as he expected. “What do you mean?” demands Ruby and “How could this have happened?” whispers Weiss and “What the hell is going on here?” bellows May. 

Their voices are tinted with so much grief and despair, lingering in the air as it claws at Jaune’s heart. He wants to run but he had to stay because he is the leader and leaders are strong. 

So he takes a deep breath and clenched his fists as he prepares to tackle the uncertainty before him and form some semblance of a plan to get their little brother back. 

Jaune expects questions and he sure as hell gets some. What he doesn’t expect is to gain the strength to address them. But it is there now, flowing in his veins, and he is determined to hold onto it for as long at it takes to deal with this mess. He is was the leader and he still is a leader and he will lead them to victory, no matter the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls save your lil bro Jaune :((( Also can we have a team JNPR hug please and thank youuuuu. Have a wonderful day!!


End file.
